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...my dark angel Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "ishbob" journal:

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November 4th, 2005
07:19 am

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mmmmmmmm, sleeep sounds wonderful

MY Soul mate and Calebchi are coming over today!!!! HURRAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
i love those two more than anything! Man o man, there's always love and lots of kisses
when i'm around that beautiful girl.

Anywho, Jason came over last night and stayed till like 10:30.
He helped me with my alegebra, then we hung out and talked for a while
i missed him. So it was nice.
alrighty, gunna go now.
I LOVE YOU ALL

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October 27th, 2005
04:02 pm

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WEeeeeeooooow, so Mr./Mrs. Anonnymous left me a comment. haha
well like danny said at lunch, not all people are made to understand.
Much less take the time to.

I woke up this morning so Happy, just refreshed and happy for the day.

Church last night was splendifurous.
Pastor Allen is seriously AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Worship was incredible, o man, words just cant explain.
I'm so excited for everything!!!!

School was good today. I've had a pretty bad headache all day, but other than that, life is good.
honestly and truly amazing actually.
Even when difficult situations are thrown my way, i've learned to cope, and deal with it.
God is so outstanding.

I get paid on Monday, which means i can buy the polaroid i've dreamed of! hurrah!!!

Subway is doing me well. I have fun there.

Its kind of made me realize how fast moving life is.
Sometimes people just need to sit back, slow down,
and realize whats going on right infront of them.

But Kelsie and Shanda just came over so, i'm off with my fri-ends.
I LOVE YOU ALL
bu bye

Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: Green Day on the T.V

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October 23rd, 2005
06:08 pm

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Caleb and Nastassia are over!

Retreat was amazing. I met so many new people, and formed so many relationships with people. I loved it.
70's all the way baby!
I've never been on a retreat before, but now i'm going on winter retreat too! which i've heard is a lot better than fall.

Me, Caleb and Nastassia are talking about marriage.

I wish friendships didnt break off like they do.

how can u be so close to someone,
and then suddenly in a blink of an eye turn into
complete strangers.

I need things to be settled.
In order for me to move on
and for my relationship with God to grow even closer
things need to be settled.
I wish he understood.

Bible study is tomorrow
i bought cookies and everything again.
I still dont know what i'm doing though.

I got to talk to pastor Allen this weekend a whole lot
Thats what keeps me breathing
waking up each morning and knowing with all of my heart and soul
that one day i'll be a youth pastor.
Thats what i'm living for.
Pastor Allen has truly inspired me. I hope that i have that kind of an
impact on youth.


Ok , i'm gunna go now.
ILOVEYOUALL!

Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: none

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October 20th, 2005
08:19 am

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Church last night was really good.
I finally got to See Nastassia. I guess her and Caleb couldnt get into the concert last night cuz it was sold out.

I would die if i saw Thrice. O my.

So retreat is on Friday. I guess its a 70's things. Which is super cool.
I got a bunch of flyers to hand out at school.
There for Fully Functional and Casting Pearls.

I have work in 40 minutes. I really dont like waking up this early all the time. I havent slept in once since break has started.

"She dreams she's dancing,
around and arounds with out any cares
and her very first true love was hold her close
and for a moment
she wasnt scared."

I'm listening to Rascal Flatts.

I miss having depth in relationships.
I feel like i dont have anyone that i can talk to
on anything other than a shallow basis.
Not like shallow isnt enjoyable or anything.
but i long for deep.
To have a spiritual conversation with someone, would mean everything to me.
I wonder if it will ever happen again.


Last night was one of those nights where i didnt want to be around people.
It hurt me. To see how much people are pushing God away, and replacing him with so much of this world.

I hope people come to bible study on Monday.
Everyone always says how they want this school year to be different
and how they want there relationship with God to get better.
When so many people are to tired or lazy to get up early one day of the week
and spend time with God.
It confuses me.

now i'm listening to Rufio.

Anyways, i need to start getting ready for work.
I LOVE YOU ALL.

Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: Rufio-Over It

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October 19th, 2005
08:10 am

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Yesterday was conferences, and my mother insisted that i went.
My midterm was good, luckily.
So afterwords i took my mom out to eat.
Then i told her that i got the job at Subway
then she said that i was off grounded.
so yesterday was good.

I have work in 45 minutos.
Then church tonight. I'm so excited.
I just want to worship.
and love God with all of me.

The other night i was sitting in my basement, trying to figure out what to do for bible study. So laid on my belly and played Skillet. It was probably one of the most intimate times i've ever spent with God.
So i stayed up until like 11:30 and ended up doing bible study on "Finding Peace through Pain"
It went good. No, scratch that..it went wonderful. The atmosphere that morning could not have been anymore perfect. It was emotional and deep. Afterwards Bethany told us that she was moving. And we all prayed for her.

The Beauty and mystery of God blows me away. When i think that i finally understand something, He still surprises me with something else. "Always expect the unexpected."

I've been finding Joy in so much lately.
For the last year, i've been holding in so much.
And now i can exhale, and breath more freely then i've ever though possible.
I'm finally my own person.
I dont feel the need to constantly try and fit in with everyone any longer.
Life is just one long journey
sure,we develop mental and emotional maturity
but when we do we start lacking the capability of staying childlike
Isnt that what God wants, not for us to be children, but to stay childlike?
pure,
innocent, and
loving.

Love is infinite


time for work now.
I Love you all

Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Dashboard Confessional-Remember to Breathe

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October 18th, 2005
12:33 pm

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Finally, i've opened up to the endless possibilities of the world.
trying to understand reality, when all i want to do is live in a dream.
A dream where tranquility surrounds my soul.
Peace is what i long for
the peace that the world is incapable of offering.
So here i wait.

I didnt go to bed until like 12:30 last night.
I was up playing my guitar and writing.
God gave me that time, and made sure that i wasnt restless at school today.
It was spectacular.

I'm listening to Augustana. It feels good in my ears.
Still grounded, but its okay. Because i've spent so much time with God.
I think i needed it more than ever too.

I'm going with River Valley on there fall retreat. Me, Betsy and Nastassia.
Its going to be amazing.

As i've said, and will continue saying, Elton John is amazing.
I was talking to my mom about her life yesterday.
Then we talked about my dad (lack there of)

My mom and Dave might get a divorce
I guess its been long awaited anyways.
but as far as right now, i have no idea whats going to happen.
So please pray about it.

I've taken a great liking to Shawn Phillips. He's wonderfully talented.
you should listen to him.
I love it.

Anyways, I think i'll find something a bit more productive to do.

I love you all.

Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: Augustana

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October 16th, 2005
02:44 pm

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Comic book characters never grow old...
"Turn on the t.v, shut off the lights Roy Rogers is riding tonight...."

Its been me and Elton all weekend long. Gotta love a Gay man who can play piano like none other, and has a melodic voice that calms the soul.

I've been home alone pretty much all weekend. Yes, still grounded.

On Friday my nephew spent the night and we went to my mothers coffee shop because they had this jazzy thing going on. Her pastor was playing an acoustic set and singing worship. So my nephew walked in the middle of the stage and started shaking his bum bum, and singing. It was probably the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

Nastassia called me today! That girl makes my world a million times brighter.

I'm still not sure what to do bible study on. Daniel was suppose to come over today cuz we were going to do it together, but i fear he doesnt have a ride over. I'm sure i'll manage.

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October 13th, 2005
03:23 pm

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I feel...

Upset.

Thinking, about everything

About nothing at the same time.

What to do.

Everything is spinning.

I feel like there's something wrong with me, or like i'm doing something wrong.

I'm trying.

This whole "focus on God all the time" thing seems to be wearing me out.

I dont know why or how thats even possible.

What is wrong with me?

I wish i could see beyond the lines and walls that are keeping me entangled in something thats not real anymore. Or maybe it never was.

Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Danny's sarcastic voice

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October 5th, 2005
07:28 pm

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So i'm spilling all i can
So today was pretty interesting. I feel like such a baby lately..but aww i cant explain it. And then people assume so many things. It kills me.

I got to first hour and i was just thinking about things that i dont need to think about anymore aka(sam) it all started cuz i got my birthday pictures developed. And he's in soooooo many of them. So it utlimately made my heart hurt.

I constantly feel like i have to hold so much in. So i have these mini uncontrolable break downs almost everyday..because i have sooooooo much to say and i never get the chance to tell him.

Lately its like, I dont cry because of my feelings and because of my pain. But because i go to school and i see so many of my friends that have turned so far away from God and it kills me. Because my relationship with God is better than it has ever been before in my life. And i just want so badly to have someone to share everything with. But i feel like i dont anymore. And Sam was a huge part of that. I just want to tell him about my relationship with God , and i want to know how his is. But it doesnt seem like that will ever happen. I guess all i can do is hope for the best and maybe soon we'll be able to talk. But untill then i just feel like i have a heavy load on my shoulders that i'll have to hold until i get that chance to talk with him.

Anyways, my parents are kicking me off the computer..arg..dont know whats up there butts lately.

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October 4th, 2005
12:42 pm

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So last night, i had pretty much the coolest conversations ever. I talked to Caleb for a while. it was cool cuz we've never really talked for long periods of time.

I talked to Nastassia and she brightend my day yesterday. AWW I MISS HER WITH ALL OF MY HEART! she had to do this project in class and the teacher said that you had to think of something that made you happy then write it down and explain what it means. and guess what she put...JESSI, man i love her. my soul mate forever and always.

Bible study didnt go how i wanted it or how i planned..but thats a whole different story in its self.

I talked to mister Nate for like 2 hours last night. Then his phone went crazy. Yup, he's still pretty much the randomest kid i've ever met, and still pretty much amazing.

My parents have been really poopy to me lately. I'm trying to hold it together and just focus on God through it all. It tough though.

Mewithoutyou and Coheed is tonight. And guess who cant go. Arg, my mom changed her mind and was like "your not going unless an adult goes" she's never complained about that before...

but yeah, gunna go now.

Love you all
Bu bye

Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: none

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